The "Perfect Parent Trap"

[Dr. Sheila Coleman]

I used to think that people--my sons, my husband, my mother, my colleagues, my friends, would love and respect me more if I were perfect--if my hair was perfect, my children's clothes were all clean, if my house was picked up, if my make-up was fresh. But I have learned that the more perfect I am, the more that holds people at bay. Actually, it is my wide hips, my dusty house, in short all my imperfections that draw people to me--that make me approachable.

Thank you, Lord, for my imperfections!!

How has God used your imperfections?

[ConnieJoy34]

Jesus says "Be perfect, as your Father is perfect." It really is easy when you see your Father as perfect. God's faithful Love abides forever! Amen!

[lizac]

There was a time when I struggled to attain the "perfection" you described - making sure my hair was styled, taking the time to attain the latest make up trends, cleaning house until it was pristine - trying to look so well put together, maintaining an image. It was so tiring and it did drive a lot of people away because they were so intimidated by my "perfect" image.

When I finally stopped living to maintain an image for other people and just decided to be myself - I had more time to enjoy life. When I gave myself the freedom to be me, I gained more friends. When I stopped trying to maintain that perfect image for other people, I felt that I was able to reach out more and to understand other people better. I stopped judging others based on the impossible standards I tried to achieve and started accepting them as they are - I was able to truly listen to their problems and offer attainable solutions and advice.

And I feel that being able to reach out to someone who is hurting and offer comfort - is the best use of my imperfections there is!

I know I'm not perfect outside, but I try my best to be perfect inside as an offering to our Heavenly Father - I'm not quite there yet, but I am working on it.

[drbill]

One of the main reasons I fell in love with Kristi, my wife of 23 years, is that she wore no or little make up and this kind of genuiness and honesty was characteristic of her.

Her willingness to admit mistakes, say, "I don't know", and to apologize make her a great mother who gives grace to our three kids - now all teenagers!

Admitting our imperfections and sins make room for God's grace to flourish!

[kbehrent]

"There is not a job on the face of the earth more important or more blessed than motherhood"

"How has God used your imperfections?"

My first wife used my imperfections as a basis for divorcing me. My being a father, and enjoying fatherhood, became secondary to her being and having the most important job on the earth, motherhood and being a mother.My desire to not be a doormat was of no interest to her. From the first quotation, fatherhood must fall somewhere in the doormat category, and is an imperfection.

[Andy Heller]

Interesting discussion. Imperfections make us approachable because they make us human. It's not always easys to keep this in mind, but we all are fighting the same battle. We live in a world and especially here in the US where image is everything sadly. This is especially noticeable in the business world. In the spiritual side of things, imperfections are accepted. In the secular world, while they may be accepted, they certainly suffer the consequences and that makes life tough.

[phoenix10]

My imperfections have not yet made me approachable and not just in the secular world. where is it in the bible that says something about being accepted by what we eat drink and wear. I hate the way christians changed joyce myers sparkle to drab so that she would be more approachable.

Its just human survival and it happens everywhere.

maybe we should just become more curious and open to a bigger world.

we are perfect the way God made us. Also I love makeup my makeup is just as honest as no makeup since there are more men who like less makeup than men who like the painted lady. oh of course the painted lady has negative connotations which shows how unenlightened many people are.

I have also been told that I smile too much.

sorry I feel a bit upset with my good christian friend today a very imperfect perfectionest

[Janice7]

We are never going to be perfect, I am never going to please everyone and I have accepted that fact. For years I was stressed each time my "perfectly organized and over-achiever" personality mother-in-law would be coming to stay a few days with us or just even a one day visit. I would drive myself crazy and my family as well trying to "match up" to her expectations. I would stay up into the night cleaning my home that was already clean by anyone else's standards. The meals I would plan had to be just right and the table had to be set by the book. We just had to accept each other and let the things of unimportance stop interferring with what could be a good relationship. This ended when I realized the "problem" was within my own lack of self-esteem and not her fault.

She and I had a wonderful relationship as time went on and when she became ill, I was the person she wanted to help her and to be with her as much as I could. This was her way of showing me that she had loved me all the time, but we were two very different people.

Finally, when I realized that dust is going to be here forever and that I have to take care of my family and my home in my own best endeavors, I began to relax. Sometimes that "fear" of not quite matching up to other's "maybe imagined" expectations of what we should be instead of the people our Father has made us to be comes along and we have to fight the battle of giving into the fear.

Jesus was and is perfect, our Father gives us guidelines on how to live a good, healthy, worry free life and it is up to us to put His ideas to use and stop fretting over the little things.

And no KB, fatherhood does not fall into the doormat catagory. Your a father and you are much blessed, don't let anyone take that blessing away from you and don't do it to yourself. Your life with your children is a unique relationship all it's own, enjoy them and relish in your love for one another.

Jan

[ConnieJoy34]

`````` Beloved children of God are worthy of their parents priceless, infinite inheritance. Seeking answers or needing a miracle (and who doesn't), just remember two (2) things.
`````The greatest miracle has already occurred..."YOU ARE!"
`````A thankful heart will create the miracle YOU need.
`````l. Have patience! 2. Listen!
```````Now abides faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is LOVE. God's faithful Love abides forever!

[kbehrent]

Originally Posted by Janice7

And no KB, fatherhood does not fall into the doormat catagory. Your a father and you are much blessed, don't let anyone take that blessing away from you and don't do it to yourself. Your life with your children is a unique relationship all it's own, enjoy them and relish in your love for one another.
Jan

I know that Jan, and thanks.

Mat 19:29
And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.

After I was sent on my wayout of the first marriage, I followed the above passage of the Bible. I chose Gods choice for my life, which was far away from the family I had married into. After 5 years from the divorce the Lord said I was free enough of the first marriage influences to be married again. I did marry again, His selection of the bride leading to a greater spiritual growth, and I chose His way. From a carnal point of view, neither of us would have been matched with the other. But by putting God first, we had a wonderful 24 years together before she passed on from lung cancer. During that 24 years I was over 1200 miles from the three kids with very little contact with them. The last year of my wifes life saw my daughter reaching out from her anger and making contact. I have visited her and the other two boys, and the Lord has kept His Word of watching over the kids while I was following Him. The three kids have all accepted the Lord and know Him. One of the granddaughters has been on a mission field in the states, and now wants to go to South Africa. The Lord has blessed me with 10 grandchildren from the first marriage, 4 children from the second marriage who accept me because of how good I was to their mother. These four children now have another 10 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren. WOW, He does keep His Word. The blessings from Him are simply added to you as you follow Him.
So much for my wanderings. Thanks again Janice, and God Bless you with many many blessings.

[drbill]

When Jesus says, "Be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect" he is NOT saying be a perfectionist! He's NOT saying be legalistic to follow all the rules exactly!

Jesus himself was a "rule breaker" whenever rules/traditions conflicted with God's law of love. Jesus expounded on the beauty of God's commandments as a manifestion of God's grace in his Sermon on the Mount and everything he taught was to help people grow to become the kind of people who in the power of the Holy Spirit would live out God's Law. But Jesus confronted the Pharisees for turning God's commandments into countless behavioral rules that were about looking righteous and lacked compassion.

Jesus is saying, "Keep being perfected in God's grace; keep moving ahead in the process of being completed in the Father's love." There is more room for improvement for me and you to learn to be more loving toward God and others!

This is a grace-based learning. As we learn to rely on God's love we can let it "overflow" from us to others.

In "Mommy Grace" Sheila is applying this understanding to motherhood - where it is desperately needed!

[ConnieJoy34]

Being an offspring of a perfect Father, would not the perfect Father reflect His perfection upon His production. Is there any doubt! God's faithful Love abides forever!

[bmaple]

I have always wished that I was perfect health wise but I am not. I have been on medication for epilepsy for just on 50 years. I am seizure free but still on the medication for it. Then in March
this year it was discovered that I had breast cancer I now wear a prothesis as I had to have a masectomy and lost my left breast. Yes this is what I know that I am like. I wish I was perfect and didn't have these health problems but I do and that is that. My husband and I also have never been able to have a family. So all of you
who do not have any health problems like I do consider yourself lucky that you have not been on medication every day of your life for about 50 years
Barbie Maple

[ConnieJoy34]

"Your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly." Isaiah 58:8.
``````Life is affirmed by keeping thoughts about total well-being high. Be health minded and turn in thought and expectation to the perfect free flowing life of Spirit within. Know that God permeates every organ, cell and atom of the body, and give thanks for the awareness of this healing presence that upllifts in every way.
```` Know that GOD IS LIFE and Divine Power and presence are within. With God all things are possible. God's faithful Love abides forever!